I have gained 50 lbs since I got married. I want to say that the first 6 months was happy weight. But all the rest... Sad weight. Since I have been married... from friends to family to co workers 50+ babies have been born. I figure I have gained 1 lb for every pregnancy announcement. Because each time this happens I feel sorry for myself, binge on junk food, decided... why exercise? And well... viola! Another pound heavier, another pound of sadness on my shoulders.... hips... thighs... face...
I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, and I know I am not being fair to anyone that has children. I painfully envy women who can get pregnant, and I want to scream at the next person that tells me "they'll come when they are ready, when its time..." That's the biggest amount of bulls#!* I have ever heard. If that's the case then why is there such a think as IVF, adoption, surrogacy? You think it was about timing for them? No, because time was there enemy they had to take control of their future.
I know I have been really negative lately, but I feel this is the only place I can, the only place I am allowed to be negative. I can't talk to anyone without being judged, or me judging myself for having nothing good to say.
This is my life right now.... Zero Faith. Zero Hope. Zero Joy.
Ergo. I will fake it till I make it.
You can always talk to me without being judged. I've been there. I am there. We need to spend more time together. I've been wanting to go to the temple (to talk to my Father about this subject actually). I think it would be good for both of us.
ReplyDeleteIf you want, we can also start walking or going to the gym together. I've got an additional 50 (or so LOL) pounds to shed.